did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
should my penis look like a turkey
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
