I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
