i just google imaged poop.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
soo... how was my night?
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