yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
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