yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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