So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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