High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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