Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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