Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I supernannyed him into submission
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
