DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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