i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
