Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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