There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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