4 words: hood of his car
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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