Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize
