i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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