Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
