Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
