no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
