I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
