Soap is not a condiment
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
My vagina just recognized that song.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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