btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
