i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
This is the high leading the old right now
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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