Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
it's like heaven, but drunker
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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