last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
