Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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