so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
