She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
