Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
