if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
