Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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