So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
you mean i was at the winter classic?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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