I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
