yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
