found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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