That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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