Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
