I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
