So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
