Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
