I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
