also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
