I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
