Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
