Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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