The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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