i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
