Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
