life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
