I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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