Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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