fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
