Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
