you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
